A Friendly Trip to the Airport
by shan21
Summary: A post-ep for the 2nd episode of season 1, "Kryptonite."  Jess tries to sneak off to the airport. Nick catches her.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first New Girl fic. I just spent my weekend re-watching every episode from this season, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to 'fix' some things. Don't get me wrong; the show is perfect. I don't want Nick and Jess to get together too soon. But it's fun to play around in fanfic and write some "what if" episode tags, right?

So here's my tag for "Kryptonite." Remember how Jess said she was supposed to pick Rochelle up at the airport the following Sunday? What if…

~0~0~0~

She was going to do this. This wasn't, like, some huge deal. She would just slip out to the airport casually and return an hour or so later. Nobody would even have to know.

"You going out, Jess?"

Jess released the doorknob as if burned. She whirled around to find Nick glancing up at her from the couch. How had she not noticed him there?

'_Okay, Jess_,' she thought to herself. '_Just stay cool. You can do this. Just don't act weird and he won't suspect a thing._'

"I'm not acting weird!" she blurted out.

A confused half-smile spread across Nick's face.

"Okay, I'm not gonna say you're wrong. I'm just gonna say that it's really more a matter of opinion," he informed her.

"It's really more a matter of _your mom's_ opinion," Jess parried.

Nick's eyebrows jumped a little, but his smile grew.

"Wow. My mom would be… so confused right now," he said. "No, but seriously, where are you going?"

Jess felt her heart speed up.

"Why do you care? What are you, like… the Going Places Police?" she demanded.

And just like that, Nick's smile was gone.

"Yeah, that's a thing," he said under his breath. Then, louder, he asked, "Why are you acting weird?"

"That's really more a matter of opinion," Jess reminded him.

Nick sat up straighter on the couch.

"Jess, _what_ is going on?"

"Nothing! I'm just going to the store," she said defensively.

Her voice had grown uncomfortably higher pitched. She had just begun to turn the knob when he spoke again.

"Okay. I don't know why you're getting so testy with me, but I actually need to pick up a few things. Is it okay if I come with you?"

"What? No!" Jess exclaimed, spinning back around.

He had risen from the couch and was halfway to the door, but froze at her response.

"All right, I have no idea what's happening anymore. Are we fighting?" he asked.

He looked completely bewildered and a little angry, and Jess knew there was no salvaging this. She sighed and turned around.

"Okay, fine! I'm going to the airport, okay?"

Nick frowned.

"The airport? Why are you going to the airport? Without luggage?" he asked.

Jess gave him a pointed look, waiting for him to come to the realization on his own. She didn't have to wait long. Nick's mouth formed into that upside-down 'U,' and he started shaking his head.

"_Seriously_, Jess?"

"What?" Jess asked innocently.

Nick was unfrozen now. He walked right up to her, put his hands on her shoulders, "No. Absolutely not."

"What?" Jess repeated. Nevertheless she allowed Nick to steer her towards the couch.

"You are _not_ picking that girl up at the airport, Jess," Nick replied, giving her a gentle shove backwards onto the couch when he said the word, 'not.'

"'_That girl_?' You know what, Nick? She has a name. And it's a beautiful, slutty mermaid name. Rochelle."

All of her fake indignation disappeared after she said the name. She let out a little moan and buried her face in a pillow.

"Okay, see? This is why I will not let you pick up that douchebag's new girlfriend! You're just going to get upset all over again!" Nick said, plopping down next to her.

"I'm not upset!" Jess retorted, but because she whined it into a pillow, it didn't hold the level of gravitas that she had hoped.

She felt a weight settle across her shoulders and looked up to find that Nick and thrown an arm around her.

"Come on, Jess. Spencer's a huge loser. And 'Suck it, Mister Crabs,' will go down in history as some of the best 'last words to an ex' ever. Don't mess with that. Make it a clean break."

"I know you're right, it's just…" She paused and looked down at her hands before continuing, "Rochelle's going to be stranded at the airport, and even though she's a skanky boyfriend-stealing ho, she's actually a pretty nice person."

Nick sighed.

"Listen, you can't feel bad for this girl. You're off the hook. There's no way that Spencer still expects you to pick his girlfriend up after how things went down last week."

Jess squinted over at him.

"I'm pretty sure he does though, because on Facebook his status right now is, 'Waiting for my girl to be delivered into my arms,'" she said tentatively.

Nick's face scrunched up in disgust for a second.

"Maybe he's waiting for her to be delivered via cab," he offered.

Jess shook her head.

"Spencer doesn't believe in cabs. He says they pollute the environment more than regular cars because tourists weigh more than most people and the engine has to work harder to—"

"Oh my god, he is the _worst_!" Nick groaned, pulling his arm from around her.

"I know," Jess admitted.

"How did you ever date him? For _six… years_?" he went on, looking at her with wide eyes. He seemed genuinely bewildered.

"Looking back, I honestly think it had the most do with his hair," Jess said with a shrug.

Nick made the turtle face again.

"He wears a _scrunchie_, Jess. And his hair's actually pretty greasy."

"Okay, well that's just crazy," she snorted. "I know you're trying to make me feel better but Spencer has beautiful hair, and that's a fact, Jack."

Nick shook his head slightly, but didn't attempt to argue the point.

"Look, just stay here, okay? We'll make some jam. What did Schmidt say we needed? A funnel and a canner? Let's go get that stuff; let's jam it up; let's start a jam session up in this bitch."

Jess couldn't help but smile at the fake enthusiasm with which Nick was pushing the jam idea.

"You're being really sweet, and I know you're trying to protect me from myself here, but if I leave Rochelle stranded in front of baggage claim, I'm going to feel guilty all day. Possibly all week," she said apologetically.

Nick threw his head back, covered his face with his hands, and sighed. Jess watched him warily for a moment. Then he straightened up and pinned her with a determined look.

"All right, here's what we're gonna do," he began.

"You're a man with a plan!" Jess exclaimed helpfully.

"First, I'm coming with you," he stated.

Jess hesitated for only a second. Then, with a firm nod, she said, "Okay."

"Second, you are wearing the JAM-boree shirt," he went on.

She smiled again and rose from the couch.

"I'll go change."

But Nick wasn't completely finished. As Jess entered her bedroom, she heard him shouting one last thing.

"And third, I'm wearing your red hat!"

~0~0~0~

End Notes: Okay, you have to imagine me singing this in a Jess voice…

You know it's kind of jerky

To leave the waters murky

And not tell an author what you thiiiiink

So please review this chapter

And then I can adapt her

So the rest of the tale won't stiiiiiink!

Let me know your thoughts, folks :) This is going to be a two- or three-parter and I'm excited!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: There will be one more chapter some time later this week, but please review now!

~0~0~0~

"There she is," Jess whispered, clutching Nick's arm.

Rochelle was standing at the luggage carousel, carefully eyeing each bag that went by. She was wearing skinny jeans and a T-shirt and her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail. Despite all this, she still looked like a model, and it made Jess want to claw at her face in a weird way that she wasn't at all comfortable with.

"Oh my god, that's her?" Nick murmured. "What is Spencer, a _hypnotist_? How is he pulling in girls like that?"

Jess glanced up, saw the awe in Nick's gaze, and felt the face-clawing instinct spike sharply.

"Yeah, I know. She has a fancy mermaid's name too. She's just a beautiful, mythical creature, standing at an airport baggage claim," Jess muttered.

She could hear the pettiness in her voice, but that didn't stop her from pouting. Nick glanced down at her.

"Hey, come on, Jess. She's a mediocre mermaid at best," he said kindly.

"That's really nice of you to say, but let's face it, she should be swimming gracefully through an underwater wonderland, singing about her dreams, and using a fork as a comb."

Nick didn't seem to know how to respond to this, because he opened his mouth, frowned, and then closed his mouth again. Luckily, both of them were saved from the awkward pause by the approach of the woman in question.

"Jess!" Rochelle called out. She was walking over as casually as could be, dragging a green rolling suitcase behind her.

"Rochelle, hey! It's so nice to see you again!" Jess blurted out.

She was waving like a hyperactive child, an action that she wasn't even conscious of until Nick's fingers curled around her forearm and tugged. Hard.

"What are you _doing_?" he hissed in her ear.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it!" she hissed back.

She turned back around to face Rochelle, smile plastered on.

"So, how was your trip? I want to hear every detail. You know what? We should totally get coffee later, or maybe you could come over, I could bake up some cupcakes, and we could just veg out and have girl talk. Do you like red velvet?" Jess babbled.

She whipped back around to Nick before the last words were out of her mouth.

"I know! You don't have to say anything!" she hissed.

Nick was shaking his head and giving her the upside-down smile again, but to his credit, he didn't say a word.

"I really appreciate you picking me up, Jess," Rochelle said happily, ignoring Jess's unfortunate bout of word vomit. Whether she skipped over it because of politeness or poor listening skills didn't really matter.

"Great hat!" the tall redhead added, pointing at Nick's head.

"Yeah, well let's get you into the car so we can dump you off at Spencer's," Nick said brusquely.

"_Drop_ you off. He meant drop," Jess added hastily.

But Nick had already taken Rochelle's suitcase and was heading for short-term parking. Rochelle gave a shrug and followed suit, and Jess had to jog a little bit to catch up. Rochelle was helping Nick navigate her suitcase into the trunk shut by the time Jess reached the car.

She slid into the driver's seat and had a moment to herself before they came in. Just enough time for a little pick-me-up song.

"_Just driving my boyfriend's new girlfriend to our old house. Everything's cooool. They're probably going to have really great 'welcome home' sex in our bed as soon as I leeeave. And that's fine!_" she sang.

The sound of the passenger door opening startled her, making her last note more of a yelp.

"Hey Jess, you okay in here?" Nick asked cautiously.

"Yup! Fine and dandy, sir!" she replied too energetically.

Rochelle slipped into the backseat and pulled her hair loose from its ponytail. She shook out and looked like some kind of music video girl. Jess squeezed the key in the ignition.

"You know the way, right?" Rochelle asked.

Jess gripped the gearshift tighter than was strictly necessary.

"Um, pretty sure I do. I used to live there, remember?" she replied.

"Oh yeah!" Rochelle half-laughed.

It wasn't an awkward laugh, but it wasn't unkind either. Rochelle honestly sounded as if she had just remembered an interesting factoid. Jess caught her eye in the rear view mirror and quickly looked back at the road.

"You know what? Let's just crank some tunes in here. Does that sound all right?" Nick said, reaching for the dial. "Just to, you know, drown out some of this horrible awkwardness," he added under his breath.

Jess glared but didn't stop him. Soon the smooth stylings of The Police filled the car.

"Oh my god, I _love_ this song," Rochelle exclaimed.

"Of course you do!" Jess replied with false enthusiasm. Then, slightly quieter, she added, "It's a song about a prostitute." And a second later, so softly that Nick could hardly hear her, "I'm sure you find it very relatable."

"Roooooooxanne!" Rochelle sang out, happily oblivious to Jess's growing irritation.

Jess and Nick passed the rest of the car ride in tense silence. Rochelle continued to sing. When the song ended, she wasn't finished.

"God, I just love Sting, don't you?" she asked brightly.

"No, I hate him!" Jess snapped. When she saw the startled look in both Nick's and Rochelle's eyes she sighed with deep regret. "I didn't mean that. Sting is totally amazing."

"Oh, yeah. And not just musically either. Spence and I have been trying some of that tantric sex stuff he does, and that man was on to something."

The screeching of tires drowned out the noise from the radio, not the sound of Nick's shouting.

"Jess, what are you _doing_? You're going to kill us! We're on the freeway!"

Once the car was completely over on the shoulder, Jess threw it in park and flung open the door. Nick scrambled out after her, hastily telling Rochelle to stay put. When he approached Jess, he did so gingerly, with his arms carefully outstretched, palms forward, as if showing her that he was unarmed.

"Hey, Jess? How you doing?" he asked casually.

"I can't do this. You were right. I should have left her standing in front of that baggage carousel," she said.

She could feel the hysteria mounting, and she started to pace.

"Okay, okay. Jess? Jess, stop. Look at me and just stop moving like that on the side of the freeway," Nick said. He moved in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Okay," Jess said quietly. She nodded, took a deep breath, and allowed Nick to gently usher her back to the car.

"Good. All right, so I'm gonna drive the rest of the way, and _you_ are just going to sit next to me and think about all the jam we're going to make when we get home."

"So much jam," Jess murmured.

"Yup. Any kind you want. Here we go!" he said, carefully opening the passenger door and settling her in. He came around to the driver's seat and put the car back in drive. Jess folded herself over until her head was resting on her knees.

"Migraine. She gets them sometimes. Blinding aura of light, it's a whole thing," Nick called back to Rochelle, who nodded understandingly.

"The same thing used to happen to my gammy, but it turned out that she had this, like, massive brain tumor," she offered sympathetically. "She died."

Jess mumbled something into her legs.

"Raspberry, blueberry, strawberry," Nick listed helpfully. "You know what, Rochelle, Jess really needs absolute silence when one of these suckers comes on. The pain is intense."

"Oh, sure!" the redhead exclaimed, nodding energetically.

The rest of the ride passed in blessed silence. When they finally arrived at Spencer's house, all that was left was to get Rochelle's suitcase out of the trunk and leave her there. It should have been easy. But it wasn't.

Nick was struggling with the luggage when Spencer and his beautiful hair came striding across the front lawn. Rochelle ran into his arms, just as he had anticipated in his Facebook status.

"Hey Jess," he said casually when he caught sight of her over Rochelle's shoulder. He smiled as if Jess _hadn't_ murdered a potted plant on his front yard the week before.

"Oh, hey Spencer. I'm just here to deliver your girlfriend," she replied, avoiding eye contact. Maybe if she didn't look at his hair directly, it would have less power over her.

"Hey, Stretch, remember me?"

Nick emerged from behind the car, green suitcase in hand. He dropped the bag in front of them and paused to straighten the red knit hat with what could only be described as 'swagger.'

Spencer released Rochelle and eyed Nick warily.

"You brought this guy, Jess? And in that hat?" Spencer asked, clearly feeling betrayed.

"_This guy_ has a name. It's Nick," Jess said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't forget it," Nick added, sounding as menacing as one could sound while wearing that hat.

"And that hat has a name too," Jess continued boldly. "It's Clifford. Because it's big and red. Like the dog."

Nick shot her an uncertain glance, but decided to go with it. He crossed his arms as well, and the two of them stared Spencer down. Rochelle, for her part, looked confused.

"I'm gonna go unpack, baby," she said to Spencer. "Jess, hope your head feels better. And that you don't have a tumor."

They both nodded absently, without breaking eye contact, and Rochelle disappeared with a shrug.

"Jess, your roommates physically assaulted me the last time they were here. And now you're just flaunting this one in my face?" Spencer complained.

"This one?" Nick parroted, outraged.

"Oh, _I'm_ the one flaunting things in _your_ face? Like you _didn't_ just force your girlfriend on me so she could tell me all about the amazing tantric sex you're having?" Jess accused.

"Hey, I don't control Rochelle. She's a free spirit," Spencer defended.

Jess threw her arms up in the air.

"Ugh, just shut up! We all get it, Spence! Rochelle's _soooo_ great. She loves bikes just the right amount, and she has an awesome name!"

"It's actually kind of a stupid name," Nick commented.

"Okay, I want _him_ off my lawn," Spencer said, pointing at Nick.

"He has. A name," Jess repeated.

"Clifford and I aren't going anywhere unless Jess says so," Nick said determinedly.

Spencer glowered, but didn't speak. Jess broke the standoff.

"You know what, Nick? Let's just go. We have a lot of jam to make."

She tugged at Nick's arm, but before they could walk away, Spencer snapped.

"Oh, like I don't know 'making jam' is code for 'sex,' Jess?"

"What?" Jess exclaimed.

"Who's flaunting what now, huh? I thought you were the 'bigger person,'" Spencer went on.

"Spencer, that's just—"

"Totally true," Nick interrupted. Jess whirled around, eyes wide. "There's no point in hiding it, Jess. He knows."

Spencer shook his head.

"That's real nice, Jess," he scoffed.

"Yeah, you know what? It _is_ nice," Nick said, ignoring the bewildered look on Jess's face as he slipped his arm around her back. "Because I know how to treat a woman. Especially one as kind and kick-ass as Jess."

He tugged her closer, and she responded by leaning into his side.

"You really missed out, man. I can't believe you let this one get away, but I'm so glad you did, because she's the best thing that ever happened to me," Nick went on.

"Thanks, baby," Jess said, finally playing along.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, baby," Nick replied. Then he turned back to Spencer. "And for the record, we are making piping hot jam. _Every. Single. Night_."

Jess couldn't help it. Her eyebrows flew upwards and met her hairline. She suppressed a nervous giggle, but a little bit of it came out anyways.

Before she could duck her head to hide her blush, Nick reached out for her. He rested his free hand gently on her jaw and tilted her face up to his. Her eyes grew wide again, but he didn't notice. His own eyes were focused on her lips with single-minded determination. She drew in a shaky breath.

"Nick?" she breathed.

By way of reply, he brought his mouth down to hers. She gasped into the kiss, but her eyes slipped shut. His lips moved softly but insistently against hers, and after a second she shifted so that she was resting more comfortably in his arms. Both of his hands went around her back at the same time that her hands drifted up to his hair. When her fingers met with the soft fabric of the hat instead, she tugged it off and flung it aside. She could feel his lips curling into a smile, and couldn't stop hers from doing the same. When his tongue brushed her lower lip, she was jolted out of the trance, but before she could pull away, his hands were pressing against her back, pulling her more firmly against him.

'_It's all an act for Spencer's sake. Go with it,_' she reminded herself.

Throwing caution to the wind, Jess opened her mouth against Nick's. His tongue slipped past her lips, but she was surprised at his gentleness. He was lightly tracing the contours of her mouth, and all the while his lips continued moving softly against hers. With equal tenderness, Jess stroked his scalp with her fingernails and was rewarded with a groan. She blushed in earnest now, and the sudden need for oxygen caused her to finally pull away. She met his eyes sheepishly, and was pleased to see that his own eyes looked glazed over.

"Was that really necessary?"

Dazed, they both looked over, and seemed to realize simultaneously that Spencer was still there. In fact, he was holding Clifford. Apparently when Jess flung it from Nick's head, it had landed near Spencer.

Recovering quickly, Jess straightened up and nodded resolutely.

"Yeah, it really was," she said. She started towards the car, Nick following silently behind her.

"Don't you want your precious hat back?" Spencer called after her.

"You know what, Spence? You can keep it," she replied.

Her whole body was humming with triumph. It wasn't until they were two blocks away that the adrenaline wore off and the full weight of what had just transpired hit her. She kissed Nick. Big time. She glanced over at Nick and saw that he was staring straight ahead at the road. His entire body was tense and frozen.

"So… that wasn't weird, right?" she asked.

Nick blinked.

"What?" he asked, focusing on her.

"I was just saying, what happened back there, that wasn't weird right? Just one friend helping another friend out. With his mouth and tongue," she babbled nervously.

Nick paused, then nodded slowly.

"Yeah. Totally," he said. "I would have done that for anyone. If Schmidt needed my mouth and tongue, he could count on me."

They both paused, frowning.

"Okay good. Well, I'm glad we cleared that up," Jess nodded.

"Me too," Nick said.

"And thank you. For coming with me. And for, you know, the other thing," she continued.

Nick nodded mutely. He gave her a forced smile. Jess drummed her fingers on the steering wheel and tried desperately to think of a way to fix this newest little snag. She caught sight of a grocery store and turned on her blinker.

"What are you doing?" Nick asked.

"We have to buy berries," Jess informed him.

"Berries?" he prompted.

She turned and grinned at him.

"For the jam session, _buddy_!" she announced, emphasizing the last word in particular. "You didn't think you were getting out of that did you?" she asked.

Nick shook his head.

"Nope. I did _not_ think I'd be getting out of this jam," he muttered as they pulled into the parking lot.

~0~0~0~

End Notes: Please review. I am so curious to find out how I'm doing in this fandom.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! For this chapter, you should think back to Nick's greatest fears, as listed in "Jess and Julia." Also, I am apparently incapable of writing short stories, so this has expanded beyond the original 3 chapters I planned. Not sure how many more chapters it'll go. We'll see!

~0~0~0~

"So, raspberries?"

Nick held up a medium-sized plastic carton of the plump red fruit for Jess's inspection.

"In the cart!" she declared grandly.

Refusing to reflect her exuberance, he calmly placed the berries in the cart. He reached for the next closest item.

"Strawberries?" he asked.

Jess nodded decisively.

"Cart me!" she replied.

He rolled his eyes, but couldn't quite stop a smile from creeping onto his lips he placed them next to the raspberries.

"Blackberries?" he suggested next.

"Thank you _berry_ much," Jess gleefully replied, gesturing at the cart.

Nick shook his head, but try as he might, he couldn't force his customary frown in place. And thinking about his lips so much was making him think about what his lips had been doing not too long ago. And that was very inconvenient. He took a sharp turn down the produce aisle to distract himself.

"Apples?" he asked. Without waiting for a response, he started filling a plastic produce bag with Granny Smiths.

"Whoa, whoa! Hey, there buddy, let's slow down," Jess interrupted.

He paused and asked, "Why are you talking to me like I'm a horse?" Now the frown was firmly in place.

"_Apple_ jam?" she stated, squinting up at him.

"Why are you saying it like that? It's not like I suggested _garbage_ jam," Nick said defensively.

"You might as well have," Jess replied.

Nick's eyebrows made for the ceiling.

"I've seen apple jam before. It's a thing," he insisted.

Jess gave him a deeply skeptical look.

"Oh? And where exactly did you see it? At the _Poser_ Grocery Store?"

"The _poser_ store. Really. That's what you're going with?" Nick said dubiously.

"Yup. The PGS. Apples have apple_sauce_. Why they gotta hone in on jam territory?" Jess asked.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea there was some sort of turf war going on in the fruit world," Nick said sarcastically.

"Apples make applesauce. And maybe apple butter. But _never_ jam," Jess said firmly.

She looked so serious, standing in the middle of the produce section with her arms crossed over her chest, that Nick couldn't help but laugh.

"Are you laughing at me?" Jess asked, her arms falling to her sides.

"Absolutely, I am," he said. Off her pout, he continued, "But I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt on this whole apple jam issue, because you're clearly the expert. I mean, just look at your shirt."

Her pout disappeared. A tiny smile appeared on her lips, which made Nick's stomach perform a confusing flip.

"So, Jam Expert, you can choose the rest of the fruit," he concluded.

Jess didn't need to be told twice. She proceeded to add a bunch of other fruit to the cart. Nick had never even seen rhubarb before. It looked like celery, and he had some serious doubts that it could possibly taste good in jam, but he kept his reservations to himself. When Jess's fingers closed around a carton of blueberries, however, he spoke up.

"Hey, let's not—nobody likes blueberries, okay? So let's just put those babies right back in the bin," he said brusquely.

Jess stared blankly as he yanked the blueberries from her grasp and put them back. Then she frowned.

"No, _I _like blueberries. Come to think of it, _everybody_ likes blueberries," she said, reaching for the carton again.

He blocked her, stepping between her hand and the display.

"Nick, come on. Move," she insisted, trying to reach around him.

He grabbed her wrist, but she twisted away and managed to snag a carton with her free hand. She let out a triumphant "Aha!" but it was premature. Nick pulled her back against his chest and wrapped his free arm around her until she was unable to move.

"Drop the blueberries!" Nick demanded.

"Um, Nick?" Jess said softly.

She had stopped struggling in his grasp, and the sudden halt allowed the reality of the situation to set in for Nick. He had his roommate locked in a sort of bizarre reverse bear hug. In the middle of the produce section. And he was shouting at her about blueberries.

"Yeah, Jess?" he said, aiming for a casual tone.

"Do you think you could maybe let me go now?" she asked politely.

He blinked. Her JAM-boree shirt had ridden up above her midriff and her hair was tickling his nose. He released her as if her skin was on fire.

"Sorry," he mumbled, stepping back from her and the blueberries. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt on and looked down at his feet.

"Oh, no. Not the hood!" she groaned.

He ignored her and pulled his hood down even further, obscuring his eyes from view.

"Hey, buddy?" she attempted quietly. He grunted noncommittally, which she took as response enough to continue. "You wanna tell me what's going on with you and blueberries?" she asked.

"No," he grumbled.

"Okay. That's cool. But, um, I _am_ going to put a carton of them in the cart, okay? Because I really like them," she continued carefully.

He lifted his hood ever so slightly and gave the blueberries a wary glance.

"Okay, Nick, seriously? What is the deal with blueberries? Are you _scared_ of them?" Jess blurted out.

"What? NO! No, Jess, I am not _afraid_ of blueberries! Don't be ridic—WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he bellowed.

As he spoke, Jess had brought the carton closer and closer to him until it was resting on his shoulder like a pet bird. He flailed wildly and knocked the carton to the ground where it started to ooze juice like sad blue blood. He and Jess stared at the growing puddle of juice for a moment before she broke the silence.

"Yup. That's a perfectly normal human reaction to berries."

"Okay, fine! I'm afraid of blueberries! Are you happy now, Jess?" he shouted petulantly.

Jess squinted at him, then back at the berries before replying.

"I'm happy in that I'm _slightly_ less confused."

"Only slightly?" Nick asked.

"Well—first of all, we totally bought this cartoon, B-T-dubs," she said, stooping to pick up the partially crushed berries. "And yeah, only slightly. I need to know _why_ you're afraid of blueberries."

He watched her place the damaged carton next to the rhubarb and fought hard to suppress his urge to scream.

"Come on, Jess. Sometimes people are just afraid of weird things. Just leave it. Don't we have to buy a funnel and a canner?"

"Schmidt already has that stuff," Jess said, waving him off.

"Of course he does," Nick muttered under his breath.

"So as we're walking to the checkout counter, why don't you tell me a little more about you and blueberries," she added, setting off towards the front of the store.

"Don't _you_ just have some, like, totally weird fears?" he asked, trying desperately to deflect her attention.

"Of course I do, but I have definite reasons for all of those fears. Like I'm afraid of cotton balls because they remind me of my pet bunny who committed suicide by running headlong into an oscillating fan—"

"What?" he demanded, face screwed up in horrors. She continued right over him.

"Or how I'm afraid of pets with people names because I think they might actually be reincarnated people with human consciousnesses."

"WHAT?" he repeated, more urgently this time.

"Like my friend at work has a miniature schnauzer named 'Karen.' Who names a dog 'Karen?'" she asked.

He gave her a bewildered frown as they entered a checkout line.

"Right. Your _friend_ is the weird one," he said.

"Exactly," she nodded. "So what's your story?"

He began to help her load the fruit onto the conveyer belt. After a brief pause, he let out a sigh.

"Okay," he started. "It's because of the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,'"

She frowned, her hand frozen on the apricots.

"Depp or Wilder?" she asks.

"Wilder. Please," he scoffs, offended.

"Of course. Sorry. But I only remember schnozberries in that movie. No blueberries," Jess said, moving up to the cashier.

"Violet eats that gum that's an entire dinner in one piece," Nick prompted.

"Right! The Three-Course Dinner Gum, go on," she filled in.

"And she's tasting a whole dinner and then for dessert—"

"There's blueberry pie!" Jess exclaimed.

Nick nodded. "Right. And she—"

"And she turns into a giant blueberry!" Jess continued over him.

Nick frowned.

"Do you need me to tell this story or..."

As he trailed off, she looked mildly apologetic.

"Sorry," she said.

She went to open her purse, but he gently moved her aside and pulled out his wallet.

"I got this," he said.

After money had exchanged hands, they made their way back to Jess's car, bags in hand.

"So the movie scared you?" Jess reminded him.

"The movie scared me. But then my brothers absolutely terrified me," Nick corrected.

Jess smiled.

"Let me guess; they told you that if you ever ate a blueberry—"

"Yup. And even after I figured out that they were lying, I still couldn't get over the image of that girl's face turning blue and puffy," he said, trying and failing to repress the shudder that wracked his body.

Jess couldn't help herself any longer. As soon as the bags were loaded in the car she whirled around and exclaimed, "Oh, Nick, that's so cute!"

His frown deepened.

"No it isn't, Jess. It's a shameful episode from my past, and I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay," Jess said, raising her hands in surrender.

She made a show of backing slowly away from him. Nick watched her, eyes narrowed.

"You're not actually going to let this go, are you?" he asked.

Jess whipped back around to face him.

"Nope!" she announced. She started to move back towards him smiling in a way that made him feel distinctly uneasy.

"Because guess what, Nick Miller?" she continued.

Without really understanding why, Nick found himself backing away from her as if she was holding a knife. His back hit the car, and Jess closed in on him just as he managed to ask, "What, Jess?" She leaned in and he could see the determination on her face.

"I am gonna make you _love_ my blueberry jam," she whispered.

In the blink of an eye, she was sliding into the driver's seat, leaving him pressed up against the car without anything holding him there. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He had to remind himself why he was doing this. _He_ was the one who made this awkward by grabbing Jess and kissing her in front of Spencer. It was up to _him_ to make things normal again.

"You can do this, Nick," he muttered. Then he opened his eyes. "Oh my god, I'm talking to myself. I'm becoming her."

The beeping of the horn made him jump a foot in the air. He turned and glared at Jess, who was now poking her head out the car window.

"Come on, roomie! We have a jam-sesh to start!" she proclaimed.

~0~0~0~

End Notes: Next up, the making of the jam. I plan on bringing in Winston, Schmidt, and Cece very soon. But don't worry. There will still be plenty of UST (… and RST?) between our two favorites.


End file.
